kaible said: okay so what about the lady with eyeboobs who broke in and demanded sex
It was weird! It was gross! This was just after Jess and I had bought a condo; Ed, the guy who sold it to us, was still living in the downstairs unit. I’d just got home from work one day, was taking off my shoes et cetera, and all of a sudden there’s this WOMAN in my kitchen!
Apparently I didn’t lock the door behind me and she just barged right in! I forget if she was really naked or just topless, because the eyes tattoo’d on her boobs really really kind of grabbed my attention. She was black, but her hair was bleached-out yellow and she had blue contact lenses. The whole deal was unnervingly surreal, even by my standards.
She told me her name was Valentine, and that her boyfriend downstairs had said I was a lesbian, and could she eat my pussy? Clutching at garments like an offended spinster, I told her no, no she could not, and would she please leave! But she wouldn’t leave, and made me a counter-offer of letting me eat HER pussy. I didn’t want to do that, either, and evicted her from my abode while carefully avoiding touching her. You better believe I locked the door.
Then, I called my mother. I may or may not have been crying. Lamest Penthouse letter ever, I realise. Just so you know, though, this is documented evidence that I can and will refuse sex.