If you are living with an abusive person (be it a spouse, sibling, cousin, roommate, or partner, and whether it is physical or verbal or whatever), here’s some tips.
1. If the person demands you isolate yourself by deleting things like facebook, tumblr, etc, here’s a tip: Do it, and let them watch you delete it. Then, make a new one and download ccleaner.com. It looks like a regular spyware/adware/registry cleaner remover, and one helpful aspect is it deletes history permanently and basically makes it easier to cover your tracks.
2. This is something a relative of mine did; when they are gone, take out one of the base moldings of the wall. She took the whole thing out so the line from a cut wouldn’t be seen. She cut a low notch/alcove. She hid money, extra things like snacks, and other stuff in there. Eventually, she saved up money to get away. She would use wood glue to put it back to the wall and would pry it off again to fill it in with a shoehorn. Even if you don’t get away, this can be your cubby hole for resources.
3. That same relative hid a prepaid cellphone with contacts in it to make infrequent calls and kept the phone off when hidden away.
4. I am not complete in compiling the survival guide stuff, but here is a copy of First Aid for Everyone in case you cannot go to the hospital for any reason.
REBLOG WIDELY and feel free to share and add on pieces of advice, please.
Safari’s private browsing mode is very easy to turn on and off quickly. Just check or uncheck it in the “Safari” menu. When it’s on, it won’t save your history or any other information.
Adding…if you think they’ve put a gps on your vehicle to keep tabs on you, most police departments (and some domestic violence units) will help you check.
Wasp spray. Yes, wasp spray. If things go downhill fast, & you have to get away from a person/have something to protect yourself that looks like just another random household product, wasp spray can help you. It sprays 20+ feet, & it will temporarily blind a person if you aim at the eyes.
As horrible as it may sound…wear the right shoes as much as you can. Running in heels is hard, & at a certain point function comes over fashion.
Document, document, document. Have that info somewhere either than your home/computer. Even if it’s an anonymous email account on gmail to yourself. If your computer/camera/phone are destroyed, you don’t want to lose all that info. Thumb drives are your friend, & they can be hidden in all kinds of places. DO NOT KEEP IT ON YOU.
Screencap things like they’re going out of style. If you’re being sent texts, tweets, etc., you want to be able to show them in case your abuser decides to go back and delete things at some point.
If they have access to your banking information, whether it be by seeing/finding paper statements or having access to your online banking info or having a joint account, your movements around your town/where you are traveling to can be tracked. If you can use cash for things, do it.
Know alternate routes to get to/from home from places you frequent, as well as police departments, etc. Sometimes losing somebody following you on the road comes down to you knowing more ways out than they do.
Gaslighting is real. It can make you begin to feel like you are going crazy, because your entire reality can be used as a way to control & frighten you. You know you. Trust yourself.
Here are some ways to protect your internet activity
Hide an extra set of car keys.
Along with the practical shoes tip, try not to wear many necklaces or scarves - they can be used to choke.
Keep the car backed into the driveway, with all doors locked except for the driver’s side, and with a full tank of gas.
Arrange a code word or signal for neighbors and family if you are in trouble and need them to call the police or get help in some other way.
Identify safe rooms, where there are no weapons and ways to escape. If an argument occurs, try to move to that area.
For people in domestic abuse situations and victims of stalking, keep a small bag packed in a safe place with:
- Money and bank info
- Birth certificates and passports
- Social Security #s
- Extra keys for neighbors
- Kids’ items
- Important numbers: law enforcement, friends and family, attorneys/prosecutors, medical care, child care, pet car, creditors
- If possible, a change of clothing
This website has more suggestions for safety strategies and steps to take when leaving.
For more support, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).